cough!bullshit!cough!
I note with interest the comments made by Li Changjiang, the Minister of the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine (AQSIQ), regarding the food that foreign athletes may eat when they arrive for the Genocide Olympics later this year:
“Athletes and officials will not be allowed to carry their own food inside the Olympic Village during the Beijing Games, according to established international practice [...] Why would foreigners have to carry their own food when they can enjoy the absolutely safe food on offer? [...] I believe no one will let go of the chance to savor authentic Chinese food, and I don’t think they (foreign participants) will carry their own food.”
As one particularly bright bulb noted later:
“No need to say food will be totally safe, China is a country, known for stability and best food in the world.”
I’m sure this will be welcome news to the hundreds of thousands of people around the world who are annually (that means every year) poisoned by Chinese food exports, and the tens of millions of Chinese who lose their breakfast every morning on the bus, after eating delicious and healthy traditional Chinese food.
In other news, Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang says:
“China is continuously improving the work environment for foreign journalists, a move that has been well received by the international community [...] Any unbiased foreign reporters would notice that they are having more and more access and getting better service to make their reports on China [although despite this] a few foreign media also needed to reflect on their reporting style”. Qin said “some reporters had violated Chinese regulations, didn’t respect those they had interviewed, yet proceeded with interviews against the person’s wish. Some had even fabricated news stories”.
cough!bullshit!cough!
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So this is Home. Bugger.
Q. What’s this ‘Shanghai’ place you live in?
A. Shanghai used to be a muddy little fishing village on the banks of the Huangpu River. Then the British came and set up civilization, which immediately led to huge numbers of illegal immigrants arriving to take advantage of the business climate. Some very decent Americans, Japanese and Russians also showed up. Oh yes, and some French. By the 1920’s Shanghai was a booming centre of trade and had become known worldwide as ‘The Whore of the Orient’. Never had the world seen such a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Nowadays, of course, everything is very different: more people have televisions and some of the buildings are a little taller. There’s an ambitious social program (due to be completed by 2008 2012), in which people are being trained to walk across the street only when the little green light is on. An even more ambitious and longer-term program aims to have all citizens able to both walk and chew gum simultaneously without any foreign assistance whatsoever by 2057. It’s all happening in this fast-changing mega-fishing village.
Q. What’s a ‘Laowai’?
A. Laowai is Mandarin for a no-good, uncultured and stupid barbarian who basically just comes to glorious China to steal jobs and women. Laowai’s come from uncivilized and awful places that have no culture, no history, and nothing whatsoever to like. A laowai, in fact, is the lowest conceivable grade of pond-scum. A less accurate, but more literal, translation is ‘foreigner’.
Q. I don’t live in Shanghai, am I a laowai?
A. If you can read, write and know who your parents actually are, rest assured that you are, indeed, a laowai.
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In Chinese “Bull Shit” is called “Big Talk”. The bigger the officer, the bigger the talk. When the talk is about a big topic, the talk gets bigger.
Food is not allowed to be carried into the Olympic Village - the provided residence of athletes and officials. But there is no rule about eating out - say the Embassy, or any rented location by the foreign teams. Macdonalds anyone ?
Yes, there is “no need to say the food is safe”, because saying it doesn’t make it true.
Miscel, I don’t know how long you’ve been in China, but you’ve certainly got the major cultural differences worked out.
Kudos to you. Lah.
I lived in the countryside of Guangxi Province for a year. “Authentic” food fit into one (or more) of four groups: Slimy, Chewy, Scary and Rice. Leeches, chicken reproductive tracts, dog meat, dog penis, bamboo grubs, snake blood and cicadas made frequent appearances. Granted, it was all “safe” to eat.
This is apparently the Chinese strategy for winning gold medals: with only horrors like this available other nations athletes will be too famished to compete after a couple of days.
As has been been noted elsewhere, Chinese food falls into a few main groups. They are:
1. Cabbage and pork dumplings
2. Cabbage dumplings
3. Pork dumplings
4. Cardboard dumplings
5. Rice
6. Spaghetti (without the sauce)
Personally, I’d rather eat an old, boiled boot than the utter shite I see served up at most places in this horrid nation. Chicken feet and rat’s intestines? No thanks.
Want good food in China? Try KFC or McDonalds.
Ha, sez I to all wimps here! I enjoy tasty and safe Chinese food! For part of a year, anyway, when it is 1) prepared by Mrs Neddy herself 2) in Sydney, in the land of Oz.
Umm… you mean that does not count?
Ha! Sez I to Neddy and his wife. I’m coming to stay with you for 364 days of the year, spending only enough time back here annually to remind myself why it was I came to live with you in the first place.
Top post, Neddy. How’d you like to be a guest contributor to this humble blog? Email me your contributions on MyLaowai@gmail.com
Coming soon: Neddy’s Wife’s Cooking Hour.
Bugger Chinese food! This is breaking news:
At 5:41 PM today, John at Got Rice wrote “Almost a father - Just a few more hours. Stay tuned.”
CAPTION/INT: Soprano household dining room. Tony sits at the head of the table, his son Anthony to his left, his mother and his wife Carmella to his right. They are eating spaghetti Bolognese.
Anthony (Jnr) Soprano: I read that the Chinese say they invented spaghetti.
Tony Soprano: (Forceful) Why would a nation of people who eat with sticks invent something that has to be eaten with a fork?
Hehehe, gotcha! He said “eaten with a fork”, not “slurped”! BJD, you need to be re-educated.
@MyLaowai - BJD is the bloke you want to recruit. I am mostly good only for “trolling on the trolls” at other sites. Something like “How to influence people and make enemies in your spare time” sort of thing.
Don’t sell yourself short, Neddy. I made a career out of winding peeps up and pissing them off.
Tell yer missus to get cracking on that cooking hour post, sharpish.
More breaking news from Got Rice? :Baby boys Wyatt and Cyrus born at 9:17pm China time. Mother and babies doing great. Doting stats and pictures soon.
Why don;t you lot of pricks stuff yourself with some sower-crout down , choke and die !!!