(Evil Step-) Mother

Evil Step-Mother,

The world took pity on you when it saw how backward you were, and tried to help you in every way it could;
The world was somewhat nervous when you focused your newfound financial power on building the worlds largest military, complete with Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles (ICBM’s) and a military space program;
The world condemned you when you butched tens of millions of your own people, but was willing to forgive you for invading just about every neighboring country and teaching lies as history;
The free citizens of the world refused to boycott the Olympics, despite the fact that you boycotted more Olympics than any other nation in history;

Let me tell you, Evil Step-Mother, as a free man brought up outside China:
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your people have no morals;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your ambition to dominate knows no bounds;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as you take the most callous side in every international dispute;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your generals have stated they WANT a nuclear war with the West;
And finally, for the period Qin Dynasty to the date of your inevitable demise, your people have shown their blinkered, xenophobic hatred of all things foreign, contrasting greatly with the civilisation seen in the West.

Evil Step-Mother, words of praise and encouragement have come all too often from the West, most of whose people are willing to let bygones be bygones, and who have tried so very hard, for so very long, to drag you into enlightenment, despite yourself and despite your hostile attitude towards them in return.

Evil Step-Mother, I’m fucking glad I’m not one of the poor bastards who was born in your realm, but that said, I’m doing what I can to give you yet another chance. Not that you’ll take it, but that’s what we civilised people do.

I hope it doesn’t all end in tears.

MyLaowai.

Verbatim

I received this from a reader the other day. It’s short and to the point, and frankly I couldn’t write it any better. Read this:

Now then,

I was sat in the Big Bamboo the other day watching Sweden play Spain in Euro 200b on an overseas Chinese sports channel called Ben Sports. Everything was fine until the breaks when suddenly this message began to repeat on the screen (I didn’t get a photo):

Mother,
The world laughed at you for being backward;
The world was full of envy and anxiety when you opened up and progressed into a financial powerhouse;
The world condemned you when you put law and order into the upheaval and lawlessness created by followers of a self proclaimed Robin Hood in t¡bet but failed to applaud when you used your influence to save the lives of Burmese monks;
The world threatened to boycott and disrupt the August Olympics on ground of your violations of human rights standards set by the West who by apartheid policies and discrimination of coloured people blatantly violated for ages the same standards set.
Let me tell you Mother as a dragon seed brought up outside China;
They fear you Mother as you out compete them;
They fear you Mother as you are set to replace them at the healm of world order faster than they can accept;
They fear you Mother as you refused to take sides in every international dispute as you believe that to each his own and from each his best;
They fear you Mother as you have by hardwork hastened the failure and decadence of self assumed western supremecy system;
And finally for the period 12th May to eternity, you have shown the world the tenderness, love and care of the best guardian government and leaders the Chinese People can ever have contrasting greatly with the aftermath of the Florida and Burmese cyclone.
Mother, words of praises and admiration will never come from the West as they have painted you falsely as a hardcore monster with no feelings for your own for too long and the Western World is watching with total disbelief on CNN, BBC, Fox Media, live, the search, rescue, care and rebuilding operations to restore life and normalcy into the millions of displaced victims led by brothers Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao demonstrating love care and simplicity with no political agenda whatsoever.
Mother, we whether in or out of the Great Wall are lucky and proud to be descendants of the ever Supreme Dragon.

Amen
Mr. Ben Chairman/CEO Bensports Satellite TV May 2008

People were pretty pissed off to have their football match interrupted with this kind of racist nonsense, and the content pretty much makes clear what the Chinese think behind all their nice Olympic Harmony lies. The fact that it’s printed in English means assumedly it is directed against westerners.

Others write about it here:

www.shanghairiot.blogspot.com

http://www.shanghaiexpat.com/MDForum-viewtopic-t-77279.phtml

I think you should definitely write something about this.

Hope you’re well.

Ask MyLaowai

Hello. Last week on ‘Party Hints’ I showed you how to make a small plate of goulash go round twenty-six people, how to get the best out of your canapés, and how to unblock your loo. This week I’m going to tell you what to do if there is an armed communist uprising near your home when you’re having a party. Well obviously it’ll depend how far you’ve got with your party when the signal for Red Revolt is raised. If you’re just having preliminary aperitifs - Dubonnet, a sherry or a sparkling white wine - then the guests will obviously be in a fairly formal mood and it will be difficult to tell which are the communist agitators. So the thing to do is to get some cloth and some bits of old paper, put it down on the floor and shoot everybody. This will deal with the Red Menace on your own doorstep. If you’re having canapés, as I showed you last week, or an outdoor barbecue, then the thing to do is to set fire to all houses in the street. This will stir up anti-communist hatred and your neighbours will be right with you as you organize counter-revolutionary terror. So you see, if you act promptly enough, any left-wing uprising can be dealt with by the end of the party.

Thanks, Monty.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Maths is Fun

Honk If You Have A Small Penis

The last couple of days around this time there’s been this almighty honking of horns. I think it’s officially known as:

‘Three Minutes Silence With Chinese Characteristics’

Anyway, I’m taking advantage of this to have a few moments of quiet contemplation in the bog.