Happy Hour « Wo Shi Laowai

Happy Hour

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk.” - Lord Byron

So, you’re an aficionado of the bottle? A sampler of the odd tipple? Here be a few of the drops that make my life worth living.

And hey, never stop drinking: Nobody likes a quitter.
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The Jaffa. My own creation and a great liquid panty-remover.

Dash of Grand Marnier
1 oz Creme de Cacao (white)
2 oz Mandarin Vodka
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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The Rayak, a.k.a. Son of Jaffa. A worthy successor to the Jaffa.

1/4 oz Grand Marnier
1 oz London Dry Gin
1 oz Creme de Cacao Brun (Marie Brizard)
1 oz Orange Curacao (Marie Brizard)
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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The Ragtime. Another one of mine.

Dash of Cherry Brandy
1/2 oz Lemon Juice
1 1/2 oz Vanilla Vodka
2 oz Lemon Vodka
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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Aviation Cocktail

1/4 oz Maraschino Liqueur
3/4 oz Lemon Juice
1 1/4 oz London Dry Gin (I like Gordons for this one)
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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Cool of the Evening

1/4 oz Lemon Juice
1 oz White Rum (Havana Club 3 years is my choice)
1 oz White Crème de Menthe (dry)
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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Prince’s Smile

Dash of Lemon Juice
1/2 oz Apricot Brandy (Marie Brizard, of course)
1/2 oz Calvados
1 oz London Dry Gin (Bombay Sapphire)
Shake in iced cocktail shaker & strain

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Apparent Cocktail

1/4 oz Absinthe (French, not Czech)
3/4 oz Dubonnet
3/4 oz London Dry Gin (Gordons)
Stir in mixing glass with ice & strain

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Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

So this is Home. Bugger.

Q. What’s this ‘Shanghai’ place you live in?

A. Shanghai used to be a muddy little fishing village on the banks of the Huangpu River. Then the British came and set up civilization, which immediately led to huge numbers of illegal immigrants arriving to take advantage of the business climate. Some very decent Americans, Japanese and Russians also showed up. Oh yes, and some French. By the 1920’s Shanghai was a booming centre of trade and had become known worldwide as ‘The Whore of the Orient’. Never had the world seen such a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Nowadays, of course, everything is very different: more people have televisions and some of the buildings are a little taller. There’s an ambitious social program (due to be completed by 2008), in which people are being trained to walk across the street only when the little green light is on. An even more ambitious and longer-term program aims to have all citizens able to both walk and chew gum simultaneously without any foreign assistance whatsoever by 2057. It’s all happening in this fast-changing mega-fishing village.

Q. What’s a ‘Laowai’?

A. Laowai is Mandarin for a no-good, uncultured and stupid barbarian who basically just comes to glorious China to steal jobs and women. Laowai’s come from uncivilized and awful places that have no culture, no history, and nothing whatsoever to like. A laowai, in fact, is the lowest conceivable grade of pond-scum. A less accurate, but more literal, translation is ‘foreigner’.

Q. I don’t live in Shanghai, am I a laowai?

A. If you can read, write and know who your parents actually are, rest assured that you are, indeed, a laowai.

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.